Mountains...molehills...it all seems the same when you are smack dab in the middle of a mental shit

I have been known to be someone who can make mountains out of molehills. BUT, before you sit there and think "ugh, she's dramatic", you need to understand what is behind it for me and that is fear. What prompted this post today is a morning meditation site I subscribe to that did an article on fear which I felt that I could relate really well to as can most of us I'm sure. So, before we can assess what is deserving of fear, what an over-reaction of fear may be and how anxiety and fear intertwine, its important to define fear. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, fear is "an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." Simple enough right? What's not so simple is the range of things that evoke fear. Anything from a fear of something like snakes to fear of loss of life. Jeez, what a range! Well, fear is different for everyone and our threshold or what we view as fearful is unique to us all. I believe that fear can be intensified by our past experiences, current circumstances, and views of the future, most importantly, the "what ifs" of the future.

Several of us have had things happen to us in our past that have thrown us for an unexpected loop that we were not prepared for. This may have created an uncomfortable situation and had long term effects on us as a person. This could be anything from a traumatic experience, bad relationship, illness, death, etc. These events which are known to have negative emotions attached to them and are ones that even the most prepared person cannot prepare for. As a result of not feeling like we had the necessary skills and tools to "deal", we establish a sense of fear within ourselves that the situation or event may repeat and we again will not have what we need emotionally or mentally to work through it. The reality is though, we do not give ourselves enough credit. Here we all are, regardless of what has happened to us in our past, continuing to push on. Yes, we may be bumped, bruised, scarred, and even in some cases, royally messed up, but, we survived. Give yourself some credit for that one. So our fear of past circumstances taking place again only lead to us putting up barriers as an attempt to protect ourselves when in reality, because of those past experiences, we already have the skills and tools to work through those potential events again more effectively than we think. But, lets be honest, that does not necessarily change our level of fear and that's where the battle between rational and irrational thinking and emotion takes place. For me, there are several things from my past that I am afraid of repeating in my present and future which leads to significant fear and anxiety in my current life. 

Current circumstance fear is probably the most realistic type of fear in my opinion due to two factors. 1. We cannot change the past and 2. We cannot predict the future. Therefore, all we have is the present. But on the flip side, unless we are in immediate danger, doesn't fear end up stemming from either events of the past or concerns over the future? Since I can only speak to my experiences and don't want to speak for the entire world who's lives differ from mine, I can tell you that when I am fearful in the preset, it is stemming from molded responses from the past and irrational fears of what could happen in the future. For me these present irrational fears of what could happen in the future are what I refer to as catastrophizing (definitely look this up if you don't know what it is) because of the level I allow this fear to get to and the vast imagination I have of how things could go. This type of fear is like taking current fear and anxiety, sticking it with steroids, pumping it up with helium, shaking it up like a full soda bottle, and thinking the absolute worst case scenario over something that isn't either deserving of that type of response or again, something you cannot predict but fear will turn into that "worst case scenario" (which in most circumstances is significantly unrealistic). But, before being brushed off as over-reacting or "making a mountain out of a mole hill", we need to understand that in that moment of fear, that fear is very real to the individual and creates both an emotional and physical response. As I had mentioned though, it is hard to comprehend current and present fear because unless we are in immediate danger or something traumatic has happened etc., "in the moment" fear can often be tied to the past or future. 

The "what ifs" and the "unknown". I think this type of fear is the one that can truly turn worlds upside down. It does for me more frequently that I would like to admit. Fear of the future can stem from us doubting our abilities, not being able to maintain control, fear of rejection, not being good enough, embarrassment, and feeling as if there will be something that we just cannot handle. It's our inability to be able to focus on the moment and what we can control. We fear things like loss, destruction, corruption, illness, financial strife, heartbreak, etc. But the reality is we just do not give ourselves enough credit. If we all look back on our lives, there have been curve balls thrown at us right and left similar to what we fear in the future. In those moments and through every day living, we gain skills, tools, knowledge, strength, and abilities, that we never truly look at and realize how they help mold us and build us to take on whatever may come our way. Lets be honest here, even the doomsday people who spend their lives preparing for the end of the world or a zombie apocalypse aren't going to be prepared for everything that could happen perfectly. Often times the things we anticipate are going to happen are so far off from what actually takes place that we enhance the fear within ourselves to such an unhealthy point. Once we get into the pattern of reacting that way to the unknown, we start reacting to more smaller scale things and more frequently. Before we know it, it begins to spiral out of control and consume our lives and even impact our relationships negatively.

This topic of fear is something that cannot be addressed in a single shot since there is so much that goes into it on so many different levels. So, I will leave you with this. If you are a control freak like me, and you let anxiety run your life based on the fear of what may happen whether that be due to past experiences or not, realize that you are already so much more prepared than you think. When we open ourselves to experiences, let our guards down a bit, even if the things we fear occur, we gain so much from those events that we would have never gained if they didn't happen. Not to mention, we can sit here and plan things to a "T", calculate our risks, and over prepare but the one thing none of us can do is truly predict what is to come. All we have control over are our responses to what has happened, what is happening, and our next steps. I had spent many years trying to make sure that I planned everything perfectly and manipulated my moves so that they would fall into my plan and I would block myself from things I feared happening. Well, life laughed back at me for sure and several times I encountered things that I may have feared at one point and realized that I had the skills to work through it and that the event or situation was never as bad as I had initially feared it would be. Although we may be human beings and be messy and broken and even unprepared at times, we are resilient and steadfast. If you have those qualities and you push yourself instead of accepting defeat, there is nothing life can throw you that you cannot handle.