What happens when you’re doing all the “right things” but still running into the same struggle?

There is a lot of talk about what steps we should take in order to work through certain difficulties or struggles. We spend time researching, getting feedback, speaking to professionals, reflecting, you name it. But, what happens when you’ve put the time and effort in and do so consistently and the same struggles or issues continue to present themselves your life? This is where you are tested to the max because at this point, there is the choice to give up or find the lesson in the experience and keep going. It is already incredibly difficult for us as human beings to face our truths within our struggles, let down our guards, accept accountability where we can, and take action. That is such a heroic feat and many people do not get enough credit for owning their shit and making a change. But what no one really talks about is what happens when you have taken the hard first steps, put in the work, refocus the work you’re putting it, and yet, you face your internal battle yet again. Now I’m not talking about fitness so let’s take that off the table because that is a whole other conversation. I’m talking about the heart, soul, and mind... the very messy inner shit. This stuff that can really build you up or bring you to your knees. I feel that it is important to bring things back to my own experiences so I am not just preaching and telling others what to do but showing you that I’ve been there, am there, and I am with you. After some of the darkest points of my struggle with depression, I had decided that I was not going to let life “happen” to me and I was not going to allow myself to be a victim in my life anymore especially when life was patiently waiting for me. I made some brave and hard decisions and made it my mission to just move forward and do the opposite of what I had done for years since we are all familiar with the definition of insanity. These changes were incredibly new and exciting and challenging all the same time...quitting smoking, working out, changing career paths, cutting out drinking, owning my shit, taking on endeavors I never thought I could and pushing myself to excel, you name it. I felt a new sense of confidence in so many ways and really had the clarity to re-evaluate so many aspects of my life which was probably the hardest part especially where relationships and my social life were concerned. But, as I continued to move forward and find more tools and skills and methods to help me with individual growth and development, I started finding some old feelings and patterns resurfacing. I figured it would be temporary and continued on my path, working on my objectives towards my goals. But, the reality is, I was stuffing down some really important things I needed to acknowledge. It wasn’t long until shit hit the fan and it was time to stop turning a blind eye. The things I had hoped I had put behind my were coming back but in a different form based on the changes I had made. You can imagine my incredible disappointment, despair, and frustration. After kicking and screaming in my head about this all and even tormenting those willing to listen, I realized that the things I was trying to change went way deeper than I thought and were internal lessons that I am still not learning despite changing a lot of the external in hopes it would change the internal. So, at this point, I’ve been faced with another very hard realization that I cannot brush aside anymore or try to outsmart and that is that no matter how hard I try to push myself forward and away from my darker days, I can change the surroundings, focus, build on the tools and do what I believe I am “supposed to” but if I do not look deep within myself, into my soul, and look at where these struggles and patterns are truly coming from, no coping skill, change of enviroment, form a denial, refocusing, will change what is at the core of the work I need to do. Hard pill to swallow but what’s even harder is denial and brushing things aside. I’ll tell you this, when the universe needs you to see or learn something, it will make sure that happens anyway it can no matter what plan you think you have for yourself. It is with full vulnerability, accountability, and authenticity that I have acknowledged that life needs me to face some internal feeling and behavioral patterns that continue to cause hardship in my life if I don’t face it head on and do the work I need to in order to allow myself to be the best version of myself as a means to be able to let in all that life is trying to show, teach, and let me experimence. Lesson:

The hardest part is accepting you are ready to make a change. Taking the steps to make changes eventually become habits and help you grow and add to your strength, beauty, and ability to thrive. But, if you don’t open your mind and heart to what your soul truly needs and what the universe is trying to tell you, the universe will work to make that lesson you need to learn even more clear and even more forcefully than before. Personal growth and development is more than just changing the external or drowning in the “shoulds” or self help world but finding a way to learn who you truly are and facing that person in order to let that person flourish. Otherwise, these lessons and challenges will continue to manifest themselves until we get it through our thick ass heads and our desperate souls.