Cleaning up my "word vomiting" habits in order to see some tunnel light a bit more clearly

If you are anything like me, you have a handful of "I should's" or "I need to's"that you get pretty pumped about implementing but then the craziness of the day to day becomes all too real and our goals tend to take a bit of a back burner (I also tend to overwhelm myself with and pile all these things on at once) These thoughts and conversations usually take place at night, during my drives to and from different places (especially in the early morning which is my favorite time of the day), and on the weekends when I have a little more breathing room. Generally, I am pretty good at identifying a goal and executing it. The ones I struggle with though are the internal goals... you know, the things we need to change without ourselves in order to "be a better person". Over the past few years, I have noticed some patterns in my personality that I truly dislike. I noticed that I have become more cynical, negative, high strung, and introverted. Although my high strung self is super productive, I despise the cynical and negative side and have lost sight of my ideals and free spirit. I have always struggled with a balance between understanding when my anxiety is flaring up and just straight accepting that I am being negative. As I have progressed through life and gained a clearer understanding of myself, my reactions, and perspectives, I have been able to acknowledge the difference between an anxious reaction and me just being pessimistic. To be honest, I can generally accept having to work with anxiety and its symptoms but what I can't accept is being a negative and cynical person. So, what do you do when you don't like something? Either deal with the consequences that come from it through acceptance or you make a change. I have decided to make a change because I don't believe in bitching about circumstances or issues without doing something about them.

I pride myself on my intuition and ability to hold myself accountable regardless of how hard it may be. My flaws, shortcomings, and areas that need improvement are no surprise to me. I see them and I own them. But, like most people, genuinely changing them can be hard. I have a whole laundry list of things I would like to change to better myself in order to be more gracious, optimistic, and generally make the most out of the time I have on this planet . When I really sit and look at the different areas that I want to improve in order to reach these larger internal goals, I realized a common theme... negativity...more specifically, complaining. As this realization hit me like a Mac Truck, it dawned on me that although I am a passionate person about what I think and feel which I do think is a good quality in several areas, I tend to get worked up if certain things go against my morals, ethics, beliefs, and core foundation. This has somehow led me to allow my emotions and thoughts to get the best of me and the verbal diarrhea to commence. I realized that the things I felt passionately about were transforming into negative perspectives, cynical views, and overall complaints. For awhile, I just brushed it off because I usually only have these types of discussions with my wife or really close friends but, I began to notice something about my demeanor changing, and the complaining slowly leaking into my daily conversations with others. Huge Red Flag! Especially since I am not someone who wants to be portrayed as negative, a complainer, or push people away as a result. So my fear of becoming someone I do not want to become and my desire to chase certain aspirations I have set for myself and my life has lead me to implementing an attainable daily goal for myself. NO. MORE. COMPLAINING.

Yesterday was my Day 1 of no complaining and I can tell you right away, I noticed several things I did not think I would. The first thing was my initial response to frustration is to complain. When I noticed myself getting "worked up", I made sure to be aware of what my next step was. I can either complain or force myself to take a deep breath and keep my mouth shut. In taking a deep breath and letting my frustration ride its course without complaining, I noticed that the things I was frustrated over were passing a lot more quickly. In the past, I would complain which would end up dragging out the things I was frustrated with rather than just letting them go. I noticed that people who normally frustrate me daily were getting less of my energy and I was ignoring more while working on being more polite rather than letting my annoyance fester inside, waiting for the moment I can complain about them to my wife. I noticed that conversations with my wife were more about me listening than me talking which I'm sure she was ecstatic about. I allowed her to confide in me without interrupting or making it about what I thought or feel as a reaction to what she was saying or who she was discussing. I will admit, I have allowed myself to let negative thinking and perception take over. This has stolen joy from my life in many ways and contributed to me dragging situations out that needed to be moved past. I am still in the process of evaluating how I will respond when an anxious response is in full force but I know that this small change will hopefully have a ripple effect in several aspects of my life.

So, I challenge you to look at the things within yourself and your life that you want to change. Do you think that some of these things can be addressed by minimizing or eliminating complaining in your life? Do you think that the use of complaining has been justified by a need to "vent"? Are you truly able to move past your frustrations when you complain or vent or do you hold on to the feelings and let them steal your joy?