"Katie-Did-It" using personification to separate yourself from your Anxiety and Depression

To say it has been awhile since I have written is an understatement. To be honest, things have been quite hectic and finding a moment of mental peace and clarity has been hard to come by between Hurricane Harvey, "Busy Season" for work, and the day to day of life. I have been doing my best to re-center myself through it all by getting back into a routine or attempting to maintain some sense of routine...whichever is more realistic at the time. There have been several moments where I have thought to myself, "Man, I really want to write about 'this' or 'that'..." but just have not been in the right "frame of mind" until I decided to give myself a bit of a break in order to do so. It also helps that this morning I found some real motivation that pushed me to made sure to write.

As I was driving to work this morning sitting in endless traffic due to road closures from the Hurricane, I found myself searching for podcasts which I have been trying to figure out for weeks on my cell phone. I stumbled upon a podcast titled "The Hilarious World of Depression" and figured I would give it a shot. Right off the bat, I admired the approach to mental illness and the less intense review and reflection of Depression and Anxiety. A lot of the time, I am working through both of these things and the intensity can be overwhelming and suffocating. This podcast alleviated a lot of that seriousness while still being sensitive to the issue as a whole. One of the areas of focus for this podcast was personifying your anxiety and depression (or whatever other mental health issue you may be dealing with) in order to help with managing symptoms, thoughts, and reactions that are due to the illness. Personification is defined as: "the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman, or the representation of an abstract quality in human form". From my understanding of the podcast and how it related to personification, the caller would call in, identify their mental illness and then explain who or how they identify their diagnosis in order to separate it from who they are as a person as to not be defined by their mental illness. For example "Sarah" called in and explained that she was diagnosed with Anxiety. "Sarah" has named her anxiety "Bob". Bob will start acting up by flooding Sarah's mind with irrational thoughts which are often caused by anxious reactions to situations. In order to understand a bit better that she is having an anxious reaction, Sarah will use self talk towards Bob to acknowledge that she is dealing with anxiety and trying to differentiate her rational response to her irrational response. For example, Sarah could have made a mistake at work and her Anxiety or "Bob" begins to say "You are a failure, everyone is judging you you are going to be fired, you better watch you back, start applying for jobs now." Sarah goes on to explain that Bob is an immature, irrational, impulsive part of her mind that causes her to react in ways that are not inline with who she is, the coping skills she has, and her rational thought patterns. She is not using it as an excuse or justification rather, a way to compartmentalize her symptoms so they feel more manageable. Therefore, in that moment, she can work on taking a step back and putting "Bob" in his place by using rational thinking.

Have I confused you enough? For us millennials, here is a better way to explain it through Kermit the Frog Memes:

Does that make more sense? It's almost like the good and evil in our brains but more specifically, mental health diagnosis'. So many times, those diagnosed with a mental illness feel as though they are defined by that diagnosis. It is very hard to separate from who we are as a person and the symptoms of that diagnosis. We are not our depression or anxiety but we HAVE depression or anxiety. Similar to a physical illness. You are not diabetes, you have diabetes, which is something you need to learn to manage and it is part of your life.

Anyway, I was super intrigued by this approach and in a way, a light bulb went off. Being someone who has struggled with Depression and Anxiety my whole life, I thought to myself that this could potentially be a beneficial approach for me because I am someone who feels as though both of these things take away from who I am and sometimes, I don't know who I am because the symptoms are so strong. What I do know is that I have gained several tools and skills throughout the year, I know what I learned in 8 years of studying Psychology and working in the field, and maturity and hard life lessons have also helped me to gain knowledge. But, in those moments when symptoms flare up, it is very hard to listen or even hear my "rational" self. I get so consumed and overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings that in a way, my mind becomes a black tunnel where all I can hear is the irrational thoughts and feel the intense feelings. So, what if I tried to separate myself from my diagnosis and symptoms? I mean hell, I've tried everything else throughout the years. I thought to myself while inching through traffic, "how could I separate this? Who would I use to identify my diagnosis"... I tried to think of something cool that I could really work with but at 6:15am in the morning, I am not exactly "on my toes". So I temporarily decided to break it down based different phases of my life or names I have used throughout my life.

Depression and Anxiety as "Katie": Katie is the name I went by as a young child. Katie, for all intents and purposes, will be identified as such...a child. Katie is very emotional, impulsive, lacks coping skills, a bit temperamental, a bit lost, insecure, seeking approval, argumentative, not sure who she is, gives up when things gets hard... basically... a small child who lacks much skill.

Depression and Anxiety as "Kate": Kate is the name I go by now. Kate is able to acknowledge the skills she has gained through life, is a bit more idealistic, leads with her heart, has goals and aspirations, has balance in life, values family, friends, adventure, experiences, but still has life lessons to learn. Knows that work doesn't define who we are and that we need to enjoy the moments in life while not hiding from life lessons. I would equate Kate as a less powerful form of Depression and Anxiety. Rational thinking is still there, "Katie" hasn't come out full blow yet, and I am able to work through and acknowledge things as they creep up.

Lastly, Depression and Anxiety as "Katherine": Katherine holds herself to the rigid expectations of a world that values image and "supposed to" over what is in her heart. Comparing herself to others, trying to be what she believes people want her to be, not feeling, not expressing, going through the motions of life. Katherine keeps her mouth shut and numbs the things she needs to feel. Katherine focuses on responsibilities and having all her "ducks in a row" to an unrealistic point. She is hard on herself, sees herself as a failure and not good enough. Katherine criticizes and has unrealistic expectations. Katherine is equivalent to a bully or a negative authority figure.

Now, putting this into action. How can I use this psychological approach to try to combat my symptoms as they arise? How can i differentiate these symptoms from who I am in order to separate the two and truly embrace who I am at the core and who I want to be in life? Is this something that is even possible? I wonder since I have dealt with these things for so long, is it who I truly am? If I am not aspects of my mental illness, who am I? Who is the true me? Like any intuitive and sensitive person, every day is an opportunity to evaluate your situation, yourself, and determine what you want and where you want to go. Each day you obtain a new tool, a new perspective, or experience a new lesson. So what will this teach me? Will it work? Or will it be something that I tried that just didn't fit? I guess we will find out!