"Selfish, self-absorbed, or just changing tides?"

(Bringing back an old entry I did on another platform... still true)

As we get older, we begin to reassess some of our relationships with others. Gone are the college days where are biggest concerns were which party we were going to, whether or not we could afford to skip our 8am class to sleep a little more, and focusing on "what we want to do when we grow up" which all led to rather simple relationships where we felt like we had all the time in the world. Well, most of us are grown up now with our own families, careers, homes, and the struggles of being an adult and making difficult decisions based on factors of finances, health, and sensible solutions to presenting issues. 

Through adjusting to adulthood, we begin to realize that our relationships change based on what is going on in our lives and the lives of others. For myself, I have realized what makes a life long friend, who served their purpose at a specific time in our lives, friends who were based on convenience, people you were friends with simply because you had worked together, friends who just happened to be associated with your inner circle, and friends who you can bear your heart and soul to and count on through the good, the bad, and regardless of distance. I admit, at times I have become more critical of my relationships because juggling relationships and every day "adulting" issues can be a challenge. With that said, the conversation has come up several times regarding the difference between people who are selfish and self absorbed. "Selfish" people are defined as "lacking consideration for others, and/or are concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure". 

A selfish person has a strong bias toward not giving anything-- time, money, effort, energy, or other support to anyone other than him or herself. Someone who is "self absorbed" can mean they are self-centered yet not morally empty of compassion and generosity. "A self-centered person might want to further his or her objectives, whether or not that meant behaving selfishly in any given situation". It has taken me awhile to determine the difference between these two definitions but as time has gone on, with experiencing different challenges in life and what others expect of me as a friend and what I try to give back, I will freely admit that I have fallen into the self absorbed category. I have things I am individually working on, issues in my life I am addressing, a home to take care of and a family to focus on. I would like to think though, regardless, I am still there for others and try to do the right things. It is a challenge to say the least to accept that someone in your life is selfish especially at a time when you worked hard to view them differently. 

I think when times were a bit more carefree and we had less on our plates, it was easier to accept and associate with people who we knew to be a bit more selfish but as we get older and things get more real, the reality is, there is no time to have people like that in our lives. This often means that our circles get smaller, the events dwindle down a bit, and there is more time to think about things in our own lives. This can be bitter sweet. I know for myself there are moments I miss the days of having so many options of things to do with different people but at the same time, now, I find peace in spending time with people who have the same morals, values, outlooks, and that I know I can count on to not only be there but truly enjoy spending time with and feel refreshed after doing so. All in all, relationships are tricky and you will see that I refer to them a lot. 

My message to you is to assess the role you play in your relationships. Would you consider yourself selfish or self-absorbed and why? Also, determine who you want to spend time with in your life. Life is not easy and having a good support system is key for both enjoyment and to overcome challenges. Although relationships change, don't necessary discount them. See what meanings they have served in your life or continue to serve and what you can gain as a means of bettering yourself.