"Doing the right vs. wrong thing and hoping Karma will pick up the slack"

Integrity and doing the "right thing" has been a very hot topic in my household on several occasions, especially recently. This topic creates a lot of heated emotions, debate, and frustrations. My wife and I were raised with very clear morals and values and although we are not perfect people by any means and we do make mistakes and poor choices from time to time, we have firmly guided our behaviors based on those morals and values. We have felt strongly about acting with integrity, ethics, kindness, and fairness, even if it is the harder decision to do so. Our decision to behave in this manner has been met by resistance, retaliation, hurt feelings, annoyance, rebuttal, and a variety of other responses. Many times our decisions have left us on the losing end of many battles and in the position to keep our mouths closed and deal with several outcomes that seemed unfair in our opinion. We have often been looked at as the "squeeky wheel" or been viewed as outspoken, both of which have negative connotations associated with them and place us in a misjudged or understood category. With that said, it is important to point out that she and I continue to hold strong to the importance of trying to do the right thing in most areas of our life and as often as we can.

There have been several times looking back on my life that I had made choices that did not align with my values and morals, and boy, did I pay the consequences for that. When I would go against my gut and my heart regarding what I knew was right vs. wrong based on my fundamental values and beliefs, I would be met with not only psychological discomfort but physical symptoms as well. You know, the knot in the stomach and feeling nauseous? It was these moments, when I reflect on them at this current point in my life, that I feel significant shame and guilt and a realization that there were signs that I was not following my truth. I can only assume that my decisions were driven by my judgement being clouded by emotions, impulsivity, idealistic thinking, and lack of maturity. These moments have served as reminders of what my values and morals are and how strongly I feel about them and how it is essential for me to live a life that is paved with these virtues as my foundation. With maturity and wisdom comes acceptance and ownership and I see where I had the opportunities and stop signs that were telling me I was making the wrong decision. The most I can do at this point is use these experiences as lessons in my life, hope that I could repair or come to terms with the consequences of my decisions and remember the feelings of guilt and shame in order to not repeat old behaviors.

As I have grown and matured, I have realized the importance of morals and values, integrity, respect and how those things can be tested to the max in a variety of setting including work, family, friends, neighbors, community, to name a few. Acting with integrity is not as easy as it seems and there are many factors that can tempt you to do otherwise. There are options that are easier and provide more personal gain but, at what cost when it comes to self-reflection and accountability? So the difficulty lies within choosing to do the right thing even if it is the hard thing and you may lose in the end. How do you ensure that you will continue to make choices that align with who you are at your core, what you believe in, and the who you want to be as a person? So many people assume that in a given situation they would make the choice that is based on honesty and integrity but it is not until you are in a situation that tests that, that you see how challenging it truly is. Therefore, when people do choose the honest path, the path that stands up for what is right in a given situation, or makes decisions based on integrity as the core value, it is important to acknowledge that that decision did not come without ethical and moral dilemmas and influencing factors. Many times when people are in situations that require standing up for what is right, just, or fair, it is easier to remain silent due to fear. So which is worse? Remaining silent, choosing the easy way out, or holding on to integrity and possibly preparing for the backlash of doing so?

It is in the moments of choosing integrity over fear that we are at our most vulnerable. We open ourselves up to not be received well or to be misunderstood or judged and having to process and work through the outcomes and reactions of ones stance to "do the right thing". It can be beyond frustrating to be in a position to build up enough courage to take or make a stand or decision to take the step to address an injustice, poor behavior, being mistreated, and even in some cases, an illegal action. Having to then be chastised for doing so can feel soul crushing. In these moments, your strength is tested even more. The easy solution would be to give up and get angry or frustrated which, to be honest, is often my response to these situations even though it is not outwardly expressed. It feels so unfair and puts you in a position where you want to give up. This is where you need to dig deep and stay strong. You need to keep in mind that you did the right thing and can look at yourself in the mirror with approval and confidence. It is in these moments that all you can do is stick to your morals and values, surround yourself with those who are like minded in this approach, and pray that Karma will do the rest. I can only hope that there is something greater in this universe that will hold people accountable when I am powerless to do so. My goal is to seek peace and approval within myself, pray to be shielded from harm, and have faith that the bigger purpose and picture in life will ensure that all is well in the universe and there is a greater reason that supports making the right choice even if it is the hardest one.