"We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary."-Brene Br

This morning as I was listening to the audio version of "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown on my drive to work, I can't deny that I was in some kind of haze or autopilot which has become the common frame of mind during my commute lately. Brene, as usual, was hitting excellent points on vulnerability, perfectionism, gratitude, etc. but it was the following quote that somehow got my attention; "We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary."

As I was reflecting on this quote, I found a lot of different meaning in the words. It dawned on me that in society, trying to better ourselves and be the best version of ourselves is simply not enough thanks to things like social media that display selective images, concepts, and stories based on what people want you to see and the image they are trying to convey rather than reality and/or the hidden story. We are in a world that often says in order to matter, you have to be extraordinary... for example, be super fit and compete in 5 competitions a year and win 1st place, be an entrepreneur with an annual income of half a million dollars just by being "insta famous", make a fulltime income just by following your passions/hobbies of knitting sweaters for cats, ignore your financial obligations and just travel for a job and get paid to take pictures and write about it, own a huge house and drive fancy cars but only work part time, be famous, go on elaborate vacations several times a year to the most exotic places with inconceivable excursions, etc. While these things are possible, the issue is that society and social media has made it seem like this is the "baseline" and the "norm" and that those who don't reach these things in life are considered ordinary or have somehow failed. The reality is though, we are using the "exceptions" to the rules as the standards of life and comparing ourselves to the 1%. I am a firm believer in finding ways to achieve your goals and pushing yourself to be a better version of yourself based on several dimensions but, I am also someone who has spent their life trying to base my self worth on how I compare to that 1%. As a result, I have often missed out on being in the moment and opportunities to embrace gratitude more than I would like to admit. Plus, a hell of a lot of negative emotions I have had to battle.

So what does this have to do with Brene's quote and how it impacted me? Well, I will honestly admit that my entire life I have felt as though I wasn't good enough. The images of how things should be or could be have always forced me to chase the unrealistic and to have unachievable expectations of myself and my life. I have measured my self worth based on perfectionism, achieving certain goals and status' and sought external approval for everything along the way. If I wasn't perfect at something, something did not come easy, or I didn't fall into the "extraordinary" category, I immediately felt like a failure and gave up, became discouraged, or talked myself into a hole of even lesser self-worth and value which all led to a hell of a lot of problems stemming off this pattern. I often refused to take a look at the cards that I had been dealt in life, my uniqueness in this world, how my experiences have molded my journey and character, the trials I have overcome, the goals I have reached and excelled with, and generally, the positive aspects of myself. In these moments, being engulfed with the "never enough" frame of mind and the chasing of unrealistic things, I have missed out on living in the present moment more times than I can count which is opposite of what I want for myself and for my life.

When I sit and look back on the times that bring me happiness in my life and the moments I yearn for, I have always found that joy occurred during the simple moments in life when I was not seeking the "over the top" experiences or objectives in order to reach a certain status that I believed would bring me happiness. True joy had come to me through times of simplicity and self-acceptance, even if it was in a brief moment. Listening to the quote on joy, it occurred to me that the greatest moments of joy in my life have been times where I was lost in conversation with someone I cared about, hiking through the mountains with only the sound of birds in the background and the shade of the trees covering me from the chaos of the world, a hot cup of coffee and a hoodie at the dog park in the morning, walking on the beach right before sundown with my shoes in my hands, driving down quiet backroads in the middle of nature with my favorite song playing, listening to old classic singers during Christmas, the fall season, cups of tea with my mom talking about life, etc. It is these moments that have made my heart skip a beat and brought a wave of calm over me. Ironically though, these are the exact moments I find myself taking for granted or missing when I am constantly striving to achieve the unrealistic.

For the sake of being redundant in my post themes, it is clear that there is a big disconnect between my head and my heart which is a bridge called "balance". I know who I want to be and what I want from life but it is the messages I have told myself or allowed others to tell me that has kept me running on a hamster wheel in my own life in several ways. I keep trying to chase these things and achieve these things that I think will bring me joy only to miss out on the ability to see that the things that do bring me joy are right in front of me. these moments aren't requiring perfectionism, unrealistic goal chasing, or for me to push myself to the point of insanity; these moments are available when I slow down, embrace my authenticity of being a human being, and allow my mind to take the back seat while my heart drives for a bit.

It is in my inability to implement balance in my life that I continue to push myself to standards and expectations that very few people in life meet. It is in the disappointment of feeling that I am not good enough because I can't reach certain status' or markers of greatness that I don't allow myself to see that, through balance and patience, perseverance and determination, I am making my own path of greatness based on reality, not illusion, and its not going to happen the way I want it to or necessarily believe it "should". We (and I mean me) are so afraid to be ordinary or normal that we ignore the fact that we are human beings and whether or not the "great ones" we are striving to be like admit, they are no different then us in our difficulties and challenges.

So that leaves me with two points (which I need to apply to myself big time). Don't stop trying to live your best life by pushing yourself to achieve certain goals or working towards self-improvement any chance you get. But, by doing so, do not forget that you are human, have your own specified, unique path in life, and that by measuring ourselves to others, we are only leaving room for internal disappointment and damage. Second, it is in the moments of simplicity, humanity, and being present that we find our greatest joys. It is moments of simplicity that our hearts feel free and we look back with true appreciation and think of how much we cherish the little things. When we are so busy trying to avoid being human and working towards never ending objectives and standards, we miss out on the things that looking back, bring us true happiness.