Emphasizing Self-Worth, Peace of Mind, and the need to place distance between things and people that

For many of us at different points in our lives, we have placed our self-worth, value, peace of mind, morals, and even wants and needs on the "back burner" for a variety of reasons. We live in a society that encourages us to put everything before ourselves and "suck it up" whether that is for a relationship, job, specific situation, environment, living arrangement, etc. The message of "thinking positively" or "being grateful" has taken on a self-destructive meaning in some cases (not all, and I am not saying these are bad message) and sometimes it may be necessary to face things realistically instead of through overly positive rose colored glasses. I am someone who has struggled with my perspective in more ways than one throughout my life and I do tend to be someone who can see the negative more easily than the positive which is something I work on daily. This is often the case for people who struggle with things like anxiety and depression but rather than using that as an excuse, it can be used as insight and a fire under your ass to work harder to see beyond the negative. But, I do want to point out that in some circumstances, down playing our feelings and emotions regarding a situation or relationship and just "being positive" is just as harmful as being someone who sees things negatively all the time. We need to feel, think, and experience life and interactions as they are meant to in order to have a clear sense of how to proceed.

Like most things, there needs to be balance in order to see things clearly and that includes people and situations that take away from our own self-worth, mental health, and well being. It is difficult to understand what perspective to take in these scenarios. Do we look at the positive and disregard the negative or do we see the negative and use it as a sign to step away and where does reality come into play? I most certainly do not have the answer and I think this is something many of us can spend our lives pondering. At the same time, I think both growth and maturity help us to see things more clearly and realistically based on where we are at in our own lives and where our priorities lay. I can tell you that for a majority of my life, my own self worth and health were not a priority and that it has only been over the past few years that that has started to change for the better. It has been incredibly difficult and lonely in some ways. I have learned who will stick by your side and who will not, how boundaries can be off putting to a lot of people, that many people will not understand and will distance themselves, that certain situations wont align with what you are working towards, and the true challenge of deciding what people and environments are conducive to my journey or hindering it.

In trying to find a better understanding of the people and things that help me build on the things I am working towards or stunt my growth, the only thing I am sure of is that I need to find a way in each given situation and relationship to be the person I am working towards being if I cannot walk away from the person or thing in question. Sometimes its not that easy to walk away from a relationship or circumstance (especially if its a family member or job). We can create distance and put up walls and modify our perspective but the reality is that time plays a big factor as well. Time to see how things will play out, distance to repair the parts of ourselves we need to, and both to determine where we stand, where we can go, and what we have control over and what we do not have control over. In that time, we need to work on understanding our self worth and what we can and cannot tolerate in our life. We need to ask ourselves how much something or someone is tearing down our view of ourselves, our goals, our worth, peace of mind, and value. Additionally, even with changing our perspective, allowing distance, and setting boundaries, can we effectively protect the things we need to in our own minds and lives in order to protect our health and well being? We also need to hold ourselves accountable. How are we either positively or negatively contributing to the relationship or situation to the point that it is therefor impacting the things we are actually trying to work on in ourselves? How are we self-sabotaging and where do we need to make changes that will then potentially have a positive impact on a given issue?

Over the past few years, I have worked diligently on self-awareness, holding myself accountable, setting up boundaries, preserving my health, and not just talking the talk but walking the walk. This has been incredibly difficult and has caused a lot to change in my life both good and bad. I have found that though my social circle has changed significantly, the relationships I have in my life are strong and held closely to my heart. I have realized that I am a person driven by things that make me come alive and align with my passions in life and that I cannot be someone who is just a drone, doing something for the sake of doing it just to get by. I have realized that although easier said than done, this is my life and if I want something to happen or change, that is on me and no one else. I have learned the difference between a real relationship and someone who is a "fair weathered" friend. I know now better than before how I am responsible for my own well being and what happens in my life and that I need to take responsibility for what I put forth in my relationships and in different situations and scenarios in life. Not everything will be "pretty and perfect" but I do have the choice to either put my best self forward or let my own inner demons take the lead.

This has not been an easy process to understand my self worth and the importance of peace of mind but once I finally made a decision to pay attention to it, I have been able to truly see how significantly it impacts each aspect of my life and how our behaviors, choices, and perspective influences each area of our lives, both good and bad. Its imperative to assess situations and relationships and how they either bring us up or tear us down, help us to be our best selves or take away from our value, and above all, we must look inwards to make sure that we are doing the same. We cannot expect people or situations to put our self-worth, peace of mind, and self respect first if we cant do that ourselves.